I haven't posted on this site for so long that nobody will probably read this, but I feel the need to post it somewhere. If you are reading this please leave a comment to let me know.
There are days where I feel like I am lost and alone. I let everybody down and nothing I do is right. Today is one of those days. I have nobody to talk to about the way I feel so I write about it on here sorry. I am nothing but a burden to my friends & family & I’ve slowly been coming to the conclusion that I always will be in some way because there are things I’m never going to be able to do by myself. As much as it hurts me to write this I have slowly realised that there is very little in the way of paid employment that I can get around my hometown (which is where I want to live that I am able to do with my disabilities) and without paid employment I can’t get a loan to build a house and without a house built to suit my mobility needs there is no way I can ever move out of home. Having said that even with a house set up the way I need it I would still need a lot of attendant care and I can’t afford to pay for that anyway. I feel like my family and friends see me as a burden and I hate that. Sometimes I wish I could escape my world even just for a day, though I know its not possible.
4 comments:
I'm reading this. You sound weary. Sounds like, if even one thing would turn in your favor, it would help everything else happen. Take care, and I hope you catch that break, and soon.
Karen,
I'm sorry you feel this way. It must be hard to find a job in a small town. It's hard enough in a big city. But trust me, you aren't a burden on your family. I wish I lived closer so I could give you more support.
L,
Jacqui
I'm reading this too babe. I've been there and all I can say is that it does eventually get in there. I already e-mailed you once today but I'm going to e-mail you my yahoo and msn usernames so we can chat if you want. Hang in their Karen one day it'll be better - and that will be sooner than you realise.
love, Emma xx
Wow! I wonder how my daughter must feel... She has CP, is 27 and I have cared for her since birth. She is blind and has learning disabilities as well so her situation is a bit different. I know she gets frustrated at her lack of control of decisions (what to eat, where to sit etc.) but we try hard to keep her happy. She is a sweetheart!
As far as being a burden to your family, I have to be honest with you. At times my daughter's care is a daunting task. I have been changing diapers and feeding, bathing and caring for an infant for 27 years. The flip side of that is, she is the biggest blessing my life has ever had. I can't imagine my life without her! She makes us laugh constantly. She brightens every place she encounters. She lives life from the bottom of her heart. She loves people, loves music and loves to be loved. She has taught us patience and how to appreciate the simple joys in life. You have special value in this life. I guarantee you, your family is aware of your value and glad for you being in their lives.
There is no question some things in life are difficult. How would we ever know joy if we did not know sorrow or struggle? I have always believed my daughter is in this condition for a purpose. I believe God has used her to teach me, and others the true value of a day. The value of walking, talking, seeing, choosing etc. All the things most people take for granted. I appreciate her as the greatest tutorial of my life. We have grown up together. I am certain I am a far, far better person for having Malinda to teach me, and try me for the past 27 years.
We ALL have a purpose here, Karen, you have a purpose here. The trick is... figuring out what it is. Mine is to care for Malinda and be her Mom. Yours may be being YOU in your family's lives. Try to find joy in each new day. I realize this is easy for me to say. I don't have your issues. But I do have my own. This is advice I give myself daily. Hang in there, sweetheart!
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